Had a bad night

Tami03

New member
I just want to vent.... Something I wrote lst night through my tears.


Not a morning goes by that my first thought is- is this the day that I lose her. My second thought is one more day to love and hold her. If she sleeps to long, I have to check to see if her face is blue. If she coughs my stomach bottoms out from the fear.
My life changed drastically when the doctors told us of her condition and how little of a chance she would have. Now if she goes, how am I to go back to the obilvion before my Ava Grace.
Every fear is just this side of realization. People say they marvel at my strengtj, but what they don't know is, it isn't strength that MAKES me face what the day will bring, it's fear that I will miss the ONE chance that will keep her with me a little while longer, even if it is just one day more.
It is fear that pushes me, it is fear that has moved me, it is fear that propels me forward. And that fear is fueled by anger and desperation. This desperation of finding a way to help me move to hear her sweet voice just once say MAMA. These are the things that drive me to fight for her every single second of my day. It is called strength to some but to us that know it is fear of losing thier own Ava Grace.
 

barbara

Pioneer Founding member
Tami - What a beautiful tribute you have written to your daughter. There is a reason you are her mom. She is in good hands.
 

rosech44

New member
Prayers

Tami---What A Beautiful Post You Have Written, Your Love For Your Daughter Is So Very Evident. I Will Pray For You And Your Beautiful Ava Grace--may God Give You More Time, And May Some Form Of Cure Be Found. Cherish Your Memories Tami, Put Them In The Bank. You Are Not Alone---
 

windless1

New member
tami

Tami, I have severe emphasema and I have never had treatment and I mostly sit in the back ground reading and learning about stem cell. I want to thank you so much for sharing your thaughts, feelings, and fears. You have allowed us to walk in your shoes and feel your feelings as a mom or a loved one. Your post touched me, so again thanks. You and your daughter are in our prayers.

Windless 1
Larry
 

Mysty119

New member
Tami

Oh Tami, it is so very obvious how very much you care for your child just by reading your posts. I and my husband will pray for her and for you. Lots and lots of prayers. I can only imagine what you feel each and every minute of your life; and am so sorry that you go through that. Strength comes in many disguises. Your fear is immense; therefore your strength is truly Herculean. God Bless You Both.
 

Tami03

New member
To everyone

Everyone thank you. There is no reason why I had a bad night, the feas just sometimes come without any warning. Nothing happened but in the dead of night the thoughts and nightmares seem like memories or things to come. I am so blessed to have a forum like this where people understand where I am at and how my daughter feels. Thank you Barb and Jeanine for bringing this forum to light. You all are the only people besides a few other moms who are in this boat with me who truly KNOW what I feel and don't try to deminish these fears but realize that this is truly how it feels. So Thank You ALL for being perfect people with such wonderful spirits.
Tami
 

barbara

Pioneer Founding member
Tami - I have to excuse myself from the perfect category, but I certainly agree with you that this is a very compassionate group of people on this forum who are able to relate to your feelings and the feelings of others. I know that you know exactly how Jeannine and I felt after treatment. We felt totally alone and abandoned and I spent a few sleepless nights myself questioning it all. The forum was one way for Jeannine and me to share our feelings and I can't tell you how much it means to me to have comments like yours reinforce that what this forum is providing is much needed. We have grown from a support forum to a virtual library of information and some wonderful professionals who also are always ready to help members by answering questions and offering their opinions. Participation from all of the above mentioned is the real key to helping spread the word about stem cell therapy and thanks to all of you we will continue doing just that.
 
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