I just want to vent.... Something I wrote lst night through my tears.
Not a morning goes by that my first thought is- is this the day that I lose her. My second thought is one more day to love and hold her. If she sleeps to long, I have to check to see if her face is blue. If she coughs my stomach bottoms out from the fear.
My life changed drastically when the doctors told us of her condition and how little of a chance she would have. Now if she goes, how am I to go back to the obilvion before my Ava Grace.
Every fear is just this side of realization. People say they marvel at my strengtj, but what they don't know is, it isn't strength that MAKES me face what the day will bring, it's fear that I will miss the ONE chance that will keep her with me a little while longer, even if it is just one day more.
It is fear that pushes me, it is fear that has moved me, it is fear that propels me forward. And that fear is fueled by anger and desperation. This desperation of finding a way to help me move to hear her sweet voice just once say MAMA. These are the things that drive me to fight for her every single second of my day. It is called strength to some but to us that know it is fear of losing thier own Ava Grace.
Not a morning goes by that my first thought is- is this the day that I lose her. My second thought is one more day to love and hold her. If she sleeps to long, I have to check to see if her face is blue. If she coughs my stomach bottoms out from the fear.
My life changed drastically when the doctors told us of her condition and how little of a chance she would have. Now if she goes, how am I to go back to the obilvion before my Ava Grace.
Every fear is just this side of realization. People say they marvel at my strengtj, but what they don't know is, it isn't strength that MAKES me face what the day will bring, it's fear that I will miss the ONE chance that will keep her with me a little while longer, even if it is just one day more.
It is fear that pushes me, it is fear that has moved me, it is fear that propels me forward. And that fear is fueled by anger and desperation. This desperation of finding a way to help me move to hear her sweet voice just once say MAMA. These are the things that drive me to fight for her every single second of my day. It is called strength to some but to us that know it is fear of losing thier own Ava Grace.